I've always been a, "finish everything that needs to be done and then relax" kinda gal. If that didn't work, I was a, "worry about everything that needs to be worried about and then relax after everything's fixed" kinda gal. Or maybe I was a, "work really hard to get everything just right and then relax" kinda gal. You've probably figured out that I don't relax often! That carried over into the realm of finding a partner because I viewed that as another task on the never-ending list. At times I felt a bit desperate as I struggled with 2 cats, 2 dogs, 5 chickens, 2 goats, a full-time job, etc, etc, while looking for someone to share the load and, oh yes, be the love of my life. It was tough. No wonder I didn't succeed.
When I raised the white flag and moved back into town, I promised myself that I'd use the hour a day I save on my commute to take care of myself better. I specifically meant working out, but shopping for and cooking good food for myself falls into the realm of taking care of myself. It was hard to do for a while as I recovered from the car accident and kept up on my list of things to worry about, like frozen pipes, Maggie's leg, Desmond, fast disappearing oil, where my WSJs were disappearing to, did I buy a lemon car, etc, etc. But slowly, over the last few weeks, I've been putting together something. Oh, and I met and started dating someone.
He showed up on OKCupid, a dating site I've been using for 8 years. Yes, that's right. Eight years. We're only 3 or so weeks into it, so I'm not going to say much now. But in the last few weeks, stuff has been falling together and I realized this morning that everything is fine. I have no tasks that I have to get done. Nothing is broken. I have nothing to worry about. Of course that's not really true if I examine it, but I'm not worried, or running down my invisible to-do list. The car is fine, Maggie's leg is healing just fine, the pipes won't freeze, both houses have full oil tanks ($1,400 worth!).
I'm relaxed! It's been so long, I couldn't remember exactly how it feels. I got up this morning and did stuff I wanted to do, including an errand trip to JoAnne fabrics and the grocery store, and some cooking for next week. Now that I live close-in, it's easy to run out to the store. It's easy to fit stuff into my life that wouldn't fit before, including another person. Funny how it happens. We were talking the other day when I learned that he worked on a farm from age 10-17 and milked cows, mucked stalls and all that good farmy stuff. And yesterday I learned that he used to keep bees. Pretty neat.
That's all I'm going to say for now about that. Except that things have gotten better (literally and emotionally) with him around and that's a good feeling to have.
Snap Crackle Creak
23 hours ago