Mothers read anguished blog posts by their daughters and then they buy plane tickets east.
I've been taking the time since Penny and Coco died to think about why I'm here in the woods and what I'm trying to accomplish, except now I'm trying to be more realistic than optimistic. Now that I've got 2 years under my belt, I have a better sense of how much I have time to do, how long it will take to get where I want to go, or if I could even get there and what the quality of my life would be like. I see that I can't live alone, have a full-time job, grow and process food, get the 'stead ready for a goat business AND have a social life. AND deal with a vindictive neighbor that just moved back after almost 2 years away. I suspect something is going to change, but I'm not sure what, just yet.
I've been in this place before, and I think it's because I've stretched so much in my life. I've pushed my life into places that most people never go, and then evaluated and made changes when I had to. When I find myself crying at unusual times, that's generally a clue that it's time to evaluate. It's time to evaluate.
And that's something else mothers are good for.
PS - Examples where I've stretched my life that maybe some people have not. These are all after my divorce 12 years ago, so I had no partner through any of this: job with 50% travel all over the country, job with 90% travel teaching Lean Six Sigma to defense dept folks, job with 100% travel literally living out of suitcases, living overseas, living in hotels, living in the middle east. (Note to self and others, 90% travel and 100% travel is a HARD life. Especially in countries that don't speak english and you can't drink the water.) And now, alone, 45 minutes away from civilization, stuff you know about. This is also a hard life. Most people don't even try to do what we're trying to do.
Waiting for Paint to Dry
6 hours ago