September Garden and a Rant

Next year I'll stake the tomatoes better.  They all fell down.  Next year I'll keep better track of where I put what, because outside of the cherry tomatoes, I have no idea what's where.  The pepper plants on the end are making new blossoms.  They haven't made a single pepper all year - maybe now's the time.  Only a few of the basil plants flourished.  Next year I'll put all the basil together and keep them farther away from the tomato plants, which fell on them.

A few weeks ago I pulled out all the zucchini plants except one, and that one is bravely making more stuff.  Maybe I'll get a few more zukes yet!

I'm sitting here in a bad mood.  I'm supposed to meet someone from match later this afternoon and I'm NOT looking forward to it.  I originally refused to meet with him, making the excuse that he's too far (true - he's an hour and a half away), but really it's because he can't write a coherent sentence, and our phone conversation wasn't good either.  But last weekend I changed my mind and decided to give him a chance - why?  He's from a wealthy family, and if it clicked, it could be really cool.  The problem is - I'm pretty sure it won't click (keep an open mind, keep an open mind, ommm).  It's too late to change my mind back - I have to meet him.  Then I'm going to have to be explicit and firm if I don't want to see him again and feelings could be hurt. I should have just left it at not meeting him, but I've been doubting some of my decisions, thinking I'm being too hard on folks.  Grr.

And then there's the guy I'm supposed to meet tomorrow night.  I was really looking forward to meeting him last week.  He said he'd call and firm up plans, but he didn't.  Then he postponed on the morning of the day we were supposed to meet.  We spoke on the phone earlier this week, and again said he'd call during the week to firm up plans - except he hasn't yet.    I think I can see the end of this one as well.  The only question is whether it will end before we even meet.  If he gives me the courtesy of giving me notice when he postpones again (as I expect), I can get the new rescue dog on trial a day early (more later on this).  I'll be pretty annoyed if our date day and time passes with no contact from him (which I also halfway expect).  Grr.

And then there's the guy I met on Tuesday for lunch.  His profile picture was so fuzzy, I had no idea what he looked like.  He's several inches shorter than his profile says, shorter than me.  I'm not initially attracted to him.  But he writes well, he listens well, he makes his own living and we had a good conversation that day.  Out of the three current prospects, he's the most likely.  I said I'd see him again, but my gut doesn't say, "soon as possible."  My gut says, "sometime next week if something better doesn't come along"  Grr.

Here's what's frustrating about all this.  Labor Day weekend last year, I was talking to someone I met on line and liked that didn't turn out.  Here it is a whole year later and I'm in exactly the same place.  I'm getting discouraged again and I want to stop this time-consuming crap.  But there's a small part inside me that says, "the next guy you contact will be the one," and that keeps me going.  Grr.  I mean really.  Grr. It's cliche the part about "when you stop looking, that's when you stumble upon the one."  It didn't happen any of the other times I stopped looking over the last 12 years, I have no reason to expect it would happen this time either if I stopped.  I think I have better odds if I keep on looking.  The match membership's paid for another 3 months.  But really.  Grr.

[edit:  I re-read what I wrote and the overwhelming thought comes to mind - Life's too short to waste so much time on something I don't enjoy.  I believe that worthwhile things are worth working for, but I also believe that something needs to change with me and internet dating, either my attitude, the amount of time I spend on it, or something else I haven't figured out yet.  Amen.]