Whenever I move to a new place, it takes a while to build up the set of folks that "have my back." A car repair shop. A dentist. A hairdresser. If I own instead of rent, the list gets bigger - an electrician, a plumber, a handyman. Now that I'm trying to start an agricultural company, there's an accountant, and an attorney to be found. I'm doing pretty well so far - I've got most of the necessities covered. And it only took a year and a half!
There are other things that are less easy to find in a new place. Less predictable. Good neighbors. Good friends. The person to call if the car gets stuck or breaks down. The person who would take care of the animals if I wanted to take a weekend off. I'm still working on those.
Even further, David Brooks wrote in Monday's NYT about the Sandra Bullock tradeoff (would you accept an Oscar for best actress if it meant finding out that your husband was an adulterous jerk?) -
The daily activities most associated with happiness are sex, socializing after work and having dinner with others. The daily activity most injurious to happiness is commuting.
On that scale I'm 0 for 3 on the activities associated with happiness and 1 for 1 on things injurious to happiness. The happy activities though, depend on finding that support network that doesn't come easy or fast, or without a significant investment of time and energy. That's one of the hardest things about starting over in a new place, even years into it. I've never been the type of person to make many friends quickly. My modus operandi is to have a few, close friends, and I can number those on two hands through my life so far, even with all the moving around I've done.
It's nice to know that I've got many aspects of a support network in place, but I see the seasons changing and am a bit lonely and realize how far there is still to go.