It's Sunday morning and I'm up even earlier than the usual 5:30. Most weekend mornings I have the option of falling back into bed for extra sleep time. But not today, and not yesterday.
Mr Third Date turned into Mr Fourth Date, but then flaked out majorly on the way to becoming Mr Fifth Date. I had something to do at 10:30 and he was going to bring me breakfast here on the mountain. It would have been a major treat, if he would have shown up. Or called, or texted, or emailed, or anything other than what he did, which is nothing as far as I can tell. Sucks that I skipped out on the extra sleep to primp the house and me for exactly nothing. Big waste of time and energy. Later in the day, I thought a bit about vulnerability - how it's easier to put up walls and avoid all this teenage schoolgirl stuff. Not sure I want to do that, but this whole looking for a partner thing had only minor successes in the last year (dated two guys for a few months each) and some crashing pain and loneliness when I completely misread someone last fall. I keep feeling like the next one will be better and that you can't win if you don't play the game (that's the optimist speaking!). But all I got to show for this work so far is some extra wariness and a bunch of people I have no interest in calling. There's a quote from a Camera Obscura song I like that feels apt, "I'm determined to protect my feelings' disguise." I periodically say this, and it's time to reaffirm now - I only want to give my time and energy to things that give back good things to me. Period.
I spent the day Saturday learning about the middle ages at a "university" that was well-run, informative, and fun.
And now this morning I'm up early because I'm going to my first poultry swap with my new "Women of the Dirt" friends. Something tells me the rest of the weekend is all uphill from here! I'll post pictures later.