Sunday, April 25, 2010

Up Early

It's Sunday morning and I'm up even earlier than the usual 5:30.  Most weekend mornings I have the option of falling back into bed for extra sleep time.  But not today, and not yesterday.

Mr Third Date turned into Mr Fourth Date, but then flaked out majorly on the way to becoming Mr Fifth Date.  I had something to do at 10:30 and he was going to bring me breakfast here on the mountain.  It would have been a major treat, if he would have shown up.  Or called, or texted, or emailed, or anything other than what he did, which is nothing as far as I can tell. Sucks that I skipped out on the extra sleep to primp the house and me for exactly nothing.  Big waste of time and energy.  Later in the day, I thought a bit about vulnerability - how it's easier to put up walls and avoid all this teenage schoolgirl stuff. Not sure I want to do that, but this whole looking for a partner thing had only minor successes in the last year (dated two guys for a few months each) and some crashing pain and loneliness when I completely misread someone last fall. I keep feeling like the next one will be better and that you can't win if you don't play the game (that's the optimist speaking!).  But all I got to show for this work so far is some extra wariness and a bunch of people I have no interest in calling.  There's a quote from a Camera Obscura song I like that feels apt, "I'm determined to protect my feelings' disguise."  I periodically say this, and it's time to reaffirm now - I only want to give my time and energy to things that give back good things to me.  Period.

I spent the day Saturday learning about the middle ages at a "university" that was well-run, informative, and fun.

And now this morning I'm up early because I'm going to my first poultry swap with my new "Women of the Dirt" friends.  Something tells me the rest of the weekend is all uphill from here!  I'll post pictures later.


  1. I guess the positive thing to say is, at least you found out now...and he's not putting on a show and then acting this way later. I had thought that 'more mature' dating maybe more this way, but can't say it. Perhaps desparation (I don't mean you, I mean him) will still lead you to be a different dating person than you really are. The dumbest thing young people think is I CAN CHANGE THEM!!! Hey, your way smarter than that and give yourself credit for recognizing it.

  2. Men!!! I do love them though. I had to go through many toads to find the right one. Peace.

  3. That JERK!!!

    Clear signals, even a specific "no thanks, I'm not interested" are so much more of a comfort to me than the will he/won't he crap.

    I feel fortunate to have had the experience of having someone who was interested in me (even though I tried and tried and didn't feel the same about him), so I can now interpret a 4 day lapse in communication for what it is. Even if the guy is sincerely unsure (for whatever reason), I'm not interested.

    It made me feel better that this is a numbers game. Eventually we will find that guy who is a good fit for us. For me, I feel that means I need to keep getting out and doing things to meet new people. This aspect of my life takes up too much of my mental energy at times, tough.

  4. Yah - it was definitely rude what he did. This engineer prefers clear signals as well. All this maybe/maybe not stuff does is make me uncomfortable, since the answer *always* evolves to "not". I certainly don't do it to anyone else! I've told a few guys that I didn't want to date them, but being friends would be nice. That doesn't seem to work either.

  5. I hate the "come here/ go away" thing that some guys play. Better to be lonely than always on unsure footing.