Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Pins and Needles

You know how some days just seem better than other days? Your life doesn't change, but sometimes it seems good and sometimes it seems bad.  I've had a long stretch of really good days recently, but the tide has turned over recently, and now the glass is half empty instead of half full.

I called yesterday to find out why I hadn't gotten the chicken coop kit I ordered on March 17, over a month ago.  Now I know.  It's because he lost my order.  It will be another week before he can ship it, and who knows how long it will take to get here.  The hens have been impatient to get outside for weeks already.

I dropped off a 6-gallon pail at the orchard two and a half weeks ago to get cider to make hard cider.  They finally filled the bucket and I got the filled bucket back yesterday.  Of course yesterday is the day that I dropped everything so I could run my dog to the vet.  The cider is still sitting outside the house (in the shade at least).  I may get to it tonight, I may not, depending on what happens with Desmond. It's a shame to lose cider I waited so long for, when I had plenty of time in the last 2 weeks to get it fermenting.

A neighbor helpfully pointed out how I got ripped off by the loggers I used.  It doesn't help that the logger hasn't done any of the work that he promised he would do in exchange for paying me.  Which means the woodshed that he was going to rebuild is not rebuilt, and the shed he was going to bring over to house my goats-to-be is not here.  Only a week has passed since I called him, so it may just take more time (and calls).

Maggie has been running through the invisible fence.  I retrained her a bit more this morning and amped up the shock - again.  We'll see how that goes.  I think I should have made obedience training for her more of a priority than I did.

Mr Third Date flakes out over the weekend, then ... not.  He helped me through some of my decisions last night, and then disappeared.  Again.  I'm still curious about the possibilities with him, but less and less curious as time goes on.  As my friend Linda writes in her blog Multilocus, it's pretty clear how to interpret what's going on. I sort of just wish he'd stop texting me and we can both get on with our separate lives.  I keep coming back to the realization that the most supportive relationships I've had in my life have been with ... women friends.

Jon Katz has been writing quite a bit recently about letting dogs die.  He writes that pet owners sometimes make decisions out of guilt that aren't in a pet's best interest, keeping pets alive far longer, sometimes, than the pets would want.  I don't know about that.  But I do know that guilt is very expensive.  Guilt costs as much as a used car.  Guilt takes the place of a new stove and home repairs.  Many of the home plans I had in place for this summer are suddenly financially out the window because my dog is in the hospital.

I'm just whining because it's a glass half-full day, not because things are actually bad. My comfort lies in resolving unresolved things, and right now too many things are unresolved for my comfort.  I don't often have to face mistakes that I've made.  I am not good at things that don't have closure.  The challenge is to allow things outside my control to work themselves out.  To let go.  Control what I should, but let some knots untie by themselves. Unmanaged.

The other challenge is to sit here, at my desk, when everything in me wants to go take care of things that need to be taken care of.  Grrr.

... we will soon return to our previously scheduled upbeat blog postings...


  1. Amen, sister. Give a holler if you need help setting up the chicken coop. And we can always have a goat-shed-raising...


  2. Same here, Jordan, just as Sue said. If two more hands can help, send me an e-mail.

    About all those blueberry bushes that need pruning that you said you would not get to.... what do you say we try? In the process, you can teach me about blueberry pruning!!

    Also, you had said you'd help with digging holes for my fruit bushes and trees that are coming..... well, that turned out not to be necessary. With all the RAIN we had, I went out and dug five holes a day, getting ready. It's the only time clay is workable -- after rain -- and besides, I had cabin fever and needed to do something.

    Hang in there, Jordan -- and please don't think you have to be upbeat all the time.


  3. Gotchyer back. Know that people as far away as Alaska care about and support what you're doing. Can't pick up & fly down there, but I can let you know that you're not as solo as it sometimes feels.

  4. I hope you know that even though most of us blog friends are too far away to come over and physically help you over these bumps in the road, many of us are here for you with emotional support in any way we can be. A good friend wants to be with you on the bad days along with the good.

    So, so sorry to hear about Desmond. They always get too old too fast. Although our 13 year old dog is showing absolutely no signs of aging yet, we've decided to follow some of Jon Katz's philosophy. We know we've given her one heck of a good life, and she's given as much back to us so nothing will be gained for any of us to put her through suffering. When the time comes we'll enable her to go as painlessly and gracefully as possible.