Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Let's Keep Politics Out of This, Shall We?

For a while last year, I was a member of 3 internet dating sites, all catering to different audiences.  They are OKCupid, Science Connection and FarmersOnly.  I tried FarmersOnly because I read about it in Jenna Woginrich's book, Made From Scratch, and looked forward to meeting big, strapping, single farmer guys.  I gave up on FarmersOnly many months ago, and had forgotten about it until I got an email from them saying my membership would expire soon.

I hit the website early this morning to see if there was any interesting reason to stay involved with these folks. 

This is from the profile of a guy that emailed me recently:
Ideal Match???
She Loves our Lord.
She agrees that our government is way out of control.WAAAY TO BIG. Too many crooks in the white house. Too much power, taxes are too high, and our freedom and liberties are compromised, and we must stop it.

Here is an email I got a few months ago, after telling this guy that I'm not a fan of Rush Limbaugh. He's a pharmacist in Indiana and had seemed very literate and smart until this missive.
Hi JORDAN , I am sorry but I am a libertarian at heart and love my freedom from all government regulations , THE O Bama Gov. is worst than Bush and He was BAD !! I am least optimistic of this country and it'd Constitutions and THE Declaration of Independence since Jimmy Carter was in Office sorry I do not think we see life thru the same eyes , God, Country , respect of the Constitution as it was written, it is not living document . I do not want to become a Fascist and Idol worshiper I believe in Gods law as per the the DECORATION of INDEPENDENCE not O bamas sorry for your time please read Common Sense By Thomas Payne the original or the new version by Glen Beck if you understand EITHER please E mail Back,you sound Prosperity is your work HOPE YOU CHANGE Jeff

And here is an email from a pilot in Nebraska,
Hi Jordan,
I am surprised that so many people can be happy with a president who was born in Kenya and not in the US and not in accord with the laws of the land. You are right, --- we would certainly not be compatible. I need a rational conservative, not a liberal socialist, and there are plenty of conservative women on this site because I have had many positive comments about my likes and my choices and my disdain for the liberal communists. 
At any rate, I wish you well.  Jerome

Interesting that people think it's OK to be so insulting, and interesting how much some people ascribe to the "either you agree with me or you're a fascist/socialist/communist" school of thought.  I go to internet dating sites not to find someone who thinks just like me, but to find someone who is a good person and has a good heart, but can also articulately explain why they think a certain way and are open to debate.  I love discussions like that.  I did not bring up politics with any of these folks - partly because I don't view which political wing someone is from as being all that important, as long as it's from the saner part from either wing.

Anyhow - after a few minutes looking through this detritus of months of wasted time, I decided not to renew my membership to that dating site.  The thing that makes me sad is how much time and energy I've spent on this and the two other sites, although to be fair, in the depths of winter there's not much else going on.

I ran, ran, ran last night until about 10:30 when I collapsed in the hammock to take a few minutes before bed.  I started to try and bargain with God about bringing Pancho back (I read Pet Cemetary, so I'm wary of asking for anything that might make weird stuff happen), but then it deteriorated into me asking Him to tell me something, anything. Here's what came to my mind.  What if God told me now that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life?  Would that change anything that I'm doing?  I could stop spending time trying to find Mr Right on the internet or anywhere else. I don't think about things like that often, especially when I don't even have time to make dinner because I'm trying to get so many things done.  But what I do think about is "am I spending my time and energy on things that add value to my life".  For the most part, the answer to that one is, "yes."


  1. As a 'fellow' single female homesteader who would also like to find a nice guy with a big heart and more than half a brain, I cannot agree with you more. It seems we have all gotten so uncivil to and uncompromising with each other. Being agnostic, I was as clear as the dating sites allowed for filtering very religious guys out of my 'ideal mate' category. That never stopped them from trying to show me the light. I've seen the light - and it's the sunrise I enjoy every morning with my coffee - alone on my deck. Seems like the best we can do is go forward - and hope we can find someone to share our future by adding to it.

  2. I am SO behind on blog reading, but I'm so sorry about Pancho. I lost Miss Kitty two summers ago, too . . . such is life when you live in the woods. Still sucks, tho. :( I'm sending positive vibes across the miles that he comes back battered but fine . . . or, at the very least, that you get some closure.

  3. P.S. Ditto what Susan said! (Hey, maybe we should start our OWN female homesteader dating site! I'm actually kind of serious! It would be FUN!)

  4. What a demographic! Small but growing - the single female homesteader! Handy with a chainsaw and also with the mascara wand!

  5. Chicken Mama and Jordan-
    Homestead Hotties!! OOops! I mean Ladies who Homestead ..
    I think perhaps you should look into that whole thing. Although I know you don't want to get into politics, at least you didn't waste a good evening date finding out that these guys were so strong in their beliefs...and so opposed to yours. We have been having some issues in our life lately dealing with people who just believe you agree with them or you're other options. What ever happened to agreeing to disagree? of course, if you are living together, being like-minded/evenly-yoked is a BIG plus. So the new website should ask enough questions to determine if it is VERY IMPORTANT - and then block them from communicating at all. If it matters, and I don't share your very strong views, then spare us both.
    I lost my favorite cat one fall and never did see hide nor hair of him...COSMO, like Kramer on Seinfeld and wacky, but he always made you smile.

    And the guy thing..I guess you'll just know. But if you are comfortable by yourself, enjoy all the things you can learn and do and all the freedom that you and hubbys are wonderful, I've had some of each, but they DO limit your options. Not always a bad thing, but something to consider when you are discovering the new you.

  6. Jordan,
    I hear you. I can't believe people would send that kind of tripe to someone on a dating site. A simple, "no thanks, I don't think we're a good match" anyone? Geez.

    I still believe it's a numbers game, that eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later) my path will cross with someone who is a great fit for me, especially if I'm out doing things I love to do. In the meantime, with this round since I got out of my last relationship, doing the online dating thing actually has helped me hone my idea of what I want in a partner. Who is he sort of like? My brother John... Go figure.

    That said, I went to lunch, and am meeting for drinks tonight a new guy who has three kids, lives in town (in my neighborhood practically), etc. Too early to tell, but I like things so far.

    Hey, I'm going to be setting foot on your homestead (gods willing) a week from Saturday, maybe Friday late if I can get away. I'll give you a call this weekend to finalize details, OK? Yea!!!

  7. It looks like, judging from the grammar and typos, that a big part of the issue is simple stupidity. If you're a stupid guy, then you have to have _some_ kind of platform from which to feel superior to others or life would be pretty intolerable. Politics and religion are certainly flexible enough to perform that function, even for stupid people. Aren't there dating sites for smart people? (Or am I just remembering that from an old Law and Order episode?)

    I remember reading somewhere or being told that it used to be considered rude to discuss politics or ask anyone about their political affiliation. People could be married for years and not know how their spouse voted.

  8. I think being insulting over emails is just too easy to do. Internet is a great way to communicate but the distance also makes it easier for some to be rude and not worry about it. Hope you find your strapping farmer someday. Until then homestead away, girl . I admire you for doing it.

  9. Good point - I don't remember talking about politics at all with my ex-husband. It just wasn't on our list of priorities, and in fact, I don't remember what his leaning was/is. I'm OK with it not being important.

    Karen Sue - OKCupid is much better at sussing out likes/dislikes/important/not important, and I've met better quality guys from that one.

    Liz - Science Connection is full of smart people. There just aren't many of them, ie, one or two in my area, less than 300 worldwide, or something like that.

  10. I try not to discuss politics or religion with anyone. It's such a volatile subject. People seem to be so angry about everything. I agree with Kim the internet makes it easy for the ugly side of people to come out.

  11. I found my soul-mate at work. I wasn't even looking for him. He just appeared. I had prayed for YEARS for God to send me a wonderful man but it just didn't happen. I did all the "single girl" things: bars, websites,well meaning friends....looking for a husband. Nothing. So I gave up. I was 32, had a booming career, had owned my house for several years, had chickens and a huge garden (he still makes fun of the size of that garden!). Then, when I wasn't even watching.....there he was. He waltzed into my life and everything changed.
    So, the moral of this story.....just put you head down and do what you do best. We strong, independent women can't force these things to happen even though we want to. We just have to wait. And work, and gather eggs and plant gardens and herd goats.....and be happy with what we are making for ourselves. Be happy in your pursuits now. Right now. He will come along when the time is perfect. And he will be perfect, too.